Falling in love is easy, effortless, and often blissful; staying in love is another story. It’s in the latter, however, where we truly discover the essence of love; where we come to understand the beauty and mystery of love in its entirety.
It was nearly the end of summer break – I was in-between my first and second year of university. I had never been in a relationship before, and wasn’t making any concerted effort to be in one. I was content. I had just gotten out of the most difficult academic year of my life, and was only concerned with making the most of what was left of summer while mentally preparing myself for what was to come in second year; after all, I needed to score better grades if I was going to get into medical school. It was a warm evening, around dusk. I was at an outdoor patio coffee shop with several friends when he joined us for coffee. He ordered a cool, Caramel Frappuccino, was wearing an off-white long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and off-white Vans. Simple. All my thoughts, focus, and cares shifted the moment I met him – the love of my life.
The months that followed from that night at the coffee shop were beautiful and are forever engraved in my mind. We built a wonderful friendship, filled with innumerable jokes, insightful and challenging discussions, and the consumption of several unhealthy, but delicious meals. When he finally told me how he felt about me, we began dating, and it was the most thrilling feeling to be with him.
Fast-forward to today…
Between 2008 and 2013, my boyfriend and I have had numerous fights, many disagreements, many close calls, made a lot of serious mistakes, and even had a time of separation and brokenness for several months. The truth is, that blissful, naïve, “falling in love” feeling doesn’t last– ultimately, as great as it feels, it’s superficial.
In 2011, while my boyfriend and I were broken up, I flipped through the pages of the Bible, trying to find something…anything to settle my heart, bring me some peace, understanding, or comfort. I came across an all too familiar passage in 1 Corinthians 13. Despite having combed through every detail in my mind for hours on end; retrospectively analyzing every angle of every situation we’d ever gone through to come to some understanding of what went wrong – I’d never stopped to look at the definition of love. From then on, I understood love for what it really was, and not for what I thought it should be. Patient, kind, not envious or boastful, nor arrogant, rude, prideful, irritable, or resentful – this was love in the manner God intended, and the way in which He extends His love to us.
If this is what true love really is, if I believed I truly loved my boyfriend, than I could still love him even though we are apart. Whether it’s your mother, sister, boyfriend, friend, or aunt, these intrinsic characteristics of love can be applied to any relationship in your life. With this in mind, I stopped analyzing, and starting praying.
God answers prayer. My boyfriend and I have been back together for over a year now; we are growing closer every day, and are better than ever.
However, it was in those moments apart where I truly learned to love the way that I ought. The essence of true love, as outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is selflessness. If you want to truly love someone, lay down your pride. For some, this may even mean laying down your insecurities and taking on courage to ask someone on a date, rather than being a wuss and beating around the ambiguous bush. Girls, this may mean dropping your insecurities and stop leading guys on when you aren’t interested.
Jesus portrayed love in its highest and most profound form by laying down his life for us; he plainly revealed this deep truth to us in His Word (John 15:13). If I’d had my way, we’d never have broken up, but I had to learn that things don’t always go as planned, nor as I’d like them to go. I had to learn to love God’s way, which had nothing to do with what I wanted, but had everything to do with what the person I loved needed, and the lesson that God wanted to teach me as His own beloved. Exhibiting love in its deepest, purest form will not only forge stronger bonds in your relationships, it will propel you to greater heights in your relationship with the one who is love.
Written by Octavia Ahsan
Tweet Her: @OctaviaFaith or @ThePODIUMTweets