I have to admit, I was a complete sucker for the Bruno Mars song Just The Way You Are when it first came out. I somehow morphed into a ball of cheese every time I heard the words: ‘there’s not a thing that I would change, ‘cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.’
Perhaps on some level it’s because the song speaks into the need for unconditional love and acceptance that I think to some degree we all yearn for: to be known fully and to still be found acceptable and wonderful. There is beauty in being loved not just because you present an ‘I woke up like this’ state of perfection, but because you may actually wake somehow looking like Dracula but you are still affirmed and embraced by those you love.
What’s more, I think we all should be loved for who we are. God formed our very being and we reflect His awesomeness in the way that we have been made. Every single one of us. What’s even better is that we are loved by God, even when we have been at our most messy and unlovable (Romans 5:8). So ultimately it’s in Him that we can fully experience that love and acceptance we crave.
Meanwhile, in dealing with each other, we seem to often make a muddle of it. Somehow, instead of loving people the way they are, we decide to go on an undercover (or maybe blatant) mission to change them. Many of us have a Bob the Builder mentality when it comes to people, thinking we can fix them—which is futile, because we really can’t. Plus, it’s not our job. Only God can change people, really change people. It is God that does heart and mind transplants (Ezekiel 11:19) and I’m pretty sure He’s not looking for an assistant surgeon in you or me. (Can I get an amen?)
In our quest to change people, somehow we think we know what’s best for them, having never walked a day in their shoes. What’s more, (metaphorically) we are often so keen to remove a speck of mascara we see on our friend’s face, that we can sometimes miss the fact that we’ve been walking around with lipstick application that has us looking like the Joker from Batman. And that’s not cute. The faults we notice and want to change in others tell us something about ourselves. Sometimes we have to look in the mirror to see what we find, way before we try to reach out and tell other people where they are going wrong.
With that said, sometimes we have done our own soul-searching and still find that there are issues in others that grate us. Again, we cannot change a soul, but we can change the way that we respond to them and responding in love is always a good call. It also helps to remember that God can help us to love others with that same love He has loved us with. We require His help to love people, more than we need them to change.
Now, although we totally should seek to be loved for who we are and should be somewhat wary of people on a quest to change us into something we blatantly are not—we should also be open to change. Sometimes change can be a pretty good thing. In our true friendships and relationships, there should be an openness where we can lovingly challenge each other and spur each other on to be better. It’s not always easy or fun to hear that there are areas we could work on, but let us not stubbornly reject advice when sometimes change makes us better.
Ultimately, love should underpin the way that we respond to those around us. We firstly remember the way that we have been loved by God and in response to that love, we also accept people for who they are. We may—in love—decide to challenge behaviours, having checked our own motivations, but even if they never change, we can still choose to love them anyway.
By Kazstarlet