I honestly believe that being single is more than just a declaration or action, but more so a state of mind. Not having a significant other is not a freedom pass into the many clubs formed by the infamous singleton female. Whether it’s the ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ religious façade clique; the ‘independent lady, I don’t need nobody’ society who’s uniform is a titanium armour, the ‘extreme feminist’ sorority who adopts a victim mentality or the ‘single and ready to mingle without purpose’ ambassadors. Your time of singleness doesn’t label you as unwanted, insignificant or even unseen and neither does it warrant a self-pity or defensive attitude.

So whether you’re called to be single for a season or a lifetime it is important that you make the most of your time there (yes that’s right I said lifetime; some may be called to a single life like Paul the apostle, there is absolutely nothing wrong with such a calling if that is the life you believe God has graced you for, marriage is a ministry not everyone may be called to).

A wise person once told me that we are ‘human beings’ not doings and we put a smile on God’s face by simply becoming and being all that He has called us to be. So although ‘being’ is a verb in itself and requires some action on our part it is important that we realise that God is after our hearts and not our deeds and a husband is not a reward for how many things we can get off our to-do list. It is all about the adventure and the personal and intimate time The Creator can have with you.

I think the verb definition of the word single is a great starting point to get clarity when travelling through a season of singleness: – “to choose someone or something from a group for special treatment”

In this special time you are set apart and covered. You are exceptional and you need to treat yourself in this manner. Adorn and decorate your life and drench yourself in perfume to awaken the beauty that lies within– “thin out (seedlings or saplings)”

Negative mindsets, lies, bad habits and foul attitudes all need to be uprooted. Do not allow seeds of destruction to settle. And if any have grown roots and shoots and are even baring fruit, surgically remove them and allow your heart to go through the process of healing.

The key things I took from these definitions can be summed up in three words: purging, purifying and perfuming. Similar to Esther in the Bible stepping into our purpose requires preparation. The motivation for your purging, purifying and perfuming is not solely for your future spouse but more importantly for the young girl that needs to blossom in order to step into her destiny with confidence and courage.

Being single can be an anxious time and your lists of goals, deadlines and preferences may seem to get longer as time passes. So rather than add to that list lets work towards ‘just being’. Being you in all your beauty, a whole and well-rounded you. Perfection is never the goal in this season as that can often seam unreachable, but peace is ready for those bold enough to pursue it. So in a society that is encouraging us to accumulate and do whilst single I dare you to embark on the journey that will encourage you to just be!

PURGE 

This is something that needs to be intentional and is often the most painful. It sounds pretty simple but anything that is not true, honest, just and lovely needs to located and needs to go (Philippians 4:8)

1. Self-Discovery:

Find out what life has caused you to become. Acknowledge your life journey so far. Praising the times where you responded in faith and purging the debris that difficult circumstances may have left behind

2. Cut Cords & Tie Loose Ends:

Transition seasons help ensure we don’t take yesterday’s thinking into today’s new and divine positioning. Sever any connects that are not healthy – there is no honour in staying loyal to a thing or person that is not for you or your purpose. And maybe more importantly make and cultivate some amazing relationships because singleness does not imply loneliness.

PURIFY

 It is unwise to remove something and leave the space vacant. It needs to be replaced with new thoughts and habits. Purification requires patience but it is the perfect time to instil that forward thinking attitude that your future self will thank you for.

3. A New Heart:

Before a change manifests before our eyes, the adventure begins in the depth of our hearts. The new can only be ushered in with a heart that has fully embraced the Truth (Ezekiel 36:26)

4. Get in Right Standing:

You are now fully justified. You have removed your old clothes and are beginning to see what Father sees when He looks at you in admiration. Stay within His gaze, it is in that exact spot where your purpose becomes clear.

PERFUME

After the cleansing and purification comes the adornment. Beauty is everywhere and is waiting to be discovered by you. Be what you want to attract and exude the aroma that is pleasing to your Father.

5. Explore:

Pick up a hobby or maybe travel to a new continent. Whatever you decide to do make your world a little bigger and enhance your perspective. A cultured mind is a great mind and enables us to see pass our own selfish ambition, because whether we believe it or not it is not all about us.

6. Take Care of You:

A healthy heart and mind needs a healthy body. This is a great time to pick up healthy habits and learn to pamper yourself. You’re in control of your body and you are in charge of how you present yourself.

7. Live & Live Now:

Life has a funny way of unfolding once we start living and being. Don’t waste these pivotal developmental stages of life because you were busy looking for the arrival of the next big thing. The world awaits a purged, purified and sweetly perfumed lady like yourself, so I recommend that you pack Faith, Hope and Love in your bag and try to make this life thing happen!

 By Dorcas Kissi