No one likes talking about money. It can be awkward, stressful and even embarrassing. Worries about money and debt can ruin a perfect day; take us from the highest high to the lowest low in an instant. Money can’t buy us happiness but we all need a sense of security. So what happens if we’re dating or engaged to someone that spends too much?
When couples don’t agree on how much money to spend, cracks start to show in our relationships. However, these are problems that can be faced and overcome together, strengthening our relationships and aligning our priorities. I have had relationships with men who overspent and whilst dating someone who spends too much money has its perks i.e. lovely meals, holidays and presents, these feelings of excitement and surprise quickly give way to worry and anxiety about our partner’s financial situation and future as well as your future as a couple.
Here are my top five tips on how to support a partner who spends too much whilst building a happy and healthy relationship:
Understand the reasons why he spends too much
There are many reasons why a person may spend too much money i.e. depression, anxiety, the thrill of spending money, the control that spending money gives, making up for a deprived childhood etc. However, it may simply be that he enjoys having new things despite not being able to truly afford them. Buying things doesn’t leave us with real security. It does nothing to change our love for each other or God’s love for us. Talk to your boyfriend or fiancé about the way in which he spends money, look at the underlying reasons for this together, and work as a team to change. Regardless of how much is being spent or on what, it’s vital to remember that often the real problem is not the spending; it’s not understanding the reasons behind it.
Draw up a budget together
Spend time talking about money, regardless of how hard or awkward this may be, and put a budget together, either as individuals, or as a couple if you hold joint responsibilities for your finances. The layout or method you use to draw up a budget isn’t important; the vital thing is that you do it together, as a supportive team. Review your budget frequently so that changes can be made. Honesty and communication are also key – a little communication goes a long way.
Encourage him to start up an ‘emergency fund’
If we live from payday to payday with little or no money put aside, unexpected costs can be very stressful. By sticking to the budget and keeping finances under control there is less chance of the need to use credit cards and getting in to debt, something which will increase worry and anxiety. By starting an ‘emergency fund’ there will always be money put aside for those unexpected costs – bills higher that usual, a last minute event or a new part for the car. Not leaving the ‘emergency fund’ money in his current bank account will also ensure that this money doesn’t get spent by the end of the month.
Be accountable to each other
Agree that you will be accountable to each other in your spending habits. This requires trust, honest and commitment to the relationship. Doing this will make him question whether or not he really needs the item he’s just picked up to buy. It will encourage him to think about whether or not the item is a necessity. But most of all it will strengthen your relationship.
Be creative – make your own fun!
We live in a society where we pay for everything – dinners, movie nights, drinks, shows, theatres, gigs… Find some free fun! Instead of doing the same old things, use your imaginations and spend time together without spending money. Not only will this be lighter on the wallets but it will also stretch you and make you grow in strength as a couple.
Your relationship is more important than the money in your bank account. You are not what you earn or what you own. Spending worries can be a thing of the past. With patience, determination and commitment you will make a big difference to your partner’s financial future as well as to your own.
Written by Jess Wilson
TweetMe @msjesswilson