I was 14 years old when I lost my virginity; I knew it was going to happen. Even though I put on granny panties so my “friend” wouldn’t want to do it, to my surprise- it happened. In retrospect, I saw the Holy Spirit warning me to avoid the temptation set before me, but I chose a different path. I was sexually active for a year with this guy however, I can say today: I have been abstinent for eight years, and he is the only man I have had sex with. People ask me how did you do it? I will be the first to tell you it wasn’t easy, it is a daily struggle for me, but I hope this message will encourage you if you have had sex and are seeking to follow God’s design for sex and it’s purpose on this earth.
The first step to closing the door of exploring sex outside of marriage is: simply stop doing it. I can’t say I had the courage to call this boy up one day and to tell him that I couldn’t see him anymore. On the contrary, life’s circumstances took him away from me. He graduated high school and joined the armed forces, and I was to spend that summer with my Father, one thousand miles away from my home in Texas. I wasn’t instantly delivered of my desire for sex because I masturbated often to wean myself off of my want for sex. However I can attest to one thing, after the sex was over, after I was done “pleasing” myself, I found that there was still this inherent emptiness that I longed so greatly to be filled. One day, I just didn’t want to do it anymore, it just didn’t feel right. I knew I had settled for less than God’s best. I didn’t understand then why “pleasing myself” was below His standards. However I turned to God to show me His desires concerning my life and sex’s purpose within it.
Secondly, comes confession– the hardest thing to do. This is something incredibly hard because of the shame that can accompany that confession. It is difficult to break any stronghold or addiction without having a confidant: someone to hold you accountable and encourage you to seek God’s best. The hardest thing in the world to do was for me to tell my Mother what I had done because I knew it would break her heart. Our relationship initially took a blow, but now I can say that it strengthened our relationship more than it separated us. My Mother wanted to spare me from the brokenness and scars resulting from opening that door outside of the protective covering provided in marriage. Due to this realization, I surrounded myself with likeminded people who supported me in my journey towards spiritual fullness.
Finally, look into God’s word for the answer. God is our father and in understanding where you come from, you understand in greater depth who you are. Discovering God’s wishes for you, will better inform your perspective on the true purpose of the gift that you have naturally been given. Most people think I am seeking to adhere to this principle simply because someone told me that sex outside of marriage is bad. This is not the case. I have prayed, I have studied the Bible and found this path to be the wish and desire God has concerning my body. I was bought with a price, my body is the Lord’s and my desire is to do what pleases Him because that always is the best thing.
God gave sex as a gift I am certain. Sex is extremely similar to the creation of the woman, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the purging of sin before He came. The creation of Eve was possible by God shedding Adam’s blood when He removed Adam’s rib to make her his suitable helper. The only way to receive forgiveness from sin before Christ died on the cross, was by offering an animal sacrifice. The blood Jesus shed eternally binds us to the Father. In the same way, the blood from the woman’s hymen was meant to seal the covenant of marriage. Understanding the power of giving yourself to someone sexually parallels not only God’s design for marriage but also, His love for us personified through Jesus Christ.
Realising the power in giving yourself to another, will establish the gift of sex as a high priority. Will it be hard? ABSOLUTELY! Like every good thing in life it is. Oftentimes, I find myself like Paul did in Romans 7:21-25. I want to do good, but there is a struggle in my body that seeks to do what is contrary to the will of God concerning me. THIS wretched man is thankful that God through Jesus Christ redeemed me. So even if I fall short of God’s will again, I will be forgiven.
When I was eight years old I was sexually molested, it drastically lowered my self-esteem. I gave myself away when I was older, because I didn’t believe anyone would love me enough to wait to have sex with me until marriage. I didn’t believe anyone could even love me enough to marry me. Now I know: the amount of brokenness and hurt I have experienced is incomparable to the love and covering my heart, soul, spirit and body will experience with my husband. For then I will enjoy a divine love appointed for me. It will be a love as fierce and as strong as Christ loved the church, a love that I will only fully appreciate by devoting myself to knowing God’s love for me. The key is searching for God’s heart, wishes and desires for you and your life, so that all of you can be used for his glory. Then and only then will your heart will be fulfilled.
God Bless you x