Daughter Dearest,
It is 10am on Thursday 24th January 2008. I am alone in my university flat. It’s cold and miserable outside and although the heater is on full blast, I am absolutely freezing!
I can’t remember the last time I had anything to eat or drink, physically I feel so weak and tired. It has been three months since I began my first year of university and I can’t even find the strength to go to my lectures. I climbed out of my bed, walked to my mirror and lo and behold, I did not recognise myself. I looked emaciated, my hair was thinning out and my mouth was covered in ulcers.
I didn’t know what was happening to me, but whatever it was, I was pretty sure it would go away soon or so I thought…. I dismissed what was happening to me and as weeks went by, I got weaker and weaker. I would wake up to find clumps of my hair on my pillow and very soon my face was covered in sores. Things pretty much went from bad to worse. I decided that these symptoms were becoming something that I could no longer ignore.
Shortly after these episodes, I was rushed to the hospital and after a series of tests, was diagnosed with a condition called Lupus. Now, at the time I didn’t know what Lupus was, but l would soon find out that this condition would completely change my life and challenge my faith in Christ. Shortly after the diagnosis, I intermitted from University. I spent most days in agonising pain and slowly but surely I started to loose touch with the outside world. The life I built for myself was falling apart. I lost contact with friends I had made at university and soon the independence that I had found at Uni was all too soon stripped away.
I became reliant on the family for everything; they bathed me, clothed me, fed me. They did everything for me. Things got so bad that most nights your Aunt and Grandmother would have to take turns at changing my position in bed, this was because I would often get stiff and uncomfortable. I was in pain.
Why was God allowing this happening to me? I had served him for as long as I could remember. I sang for him, went to church every Sunday, I was a good Christian, but none of these factors seemed to matter. Overtime I became angry and bitter towards God and spent most days and nights crying. I felt ugly, disfigured, I was now a shadow of my former self and as far as I was concerned, God had let me down.
But, the few friends and family I had around me still had a whole heap of faith. They prayed steadfastly and continued to encourage me with scriptures and very soon I started picking up my bible again and it was in Isaiah 53:5 I found so much strength.
But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by His wounds we are healed.
Through that scripture I realised that God came down in the flesh to atone for our sins and through His death on the cross, we are healed from our sinful nature, and can be healed of any other infirmities that we may encounter in this life.
(Taken August 2008)
So I resolved to trust God to see me through this predicament. Once I made that choice it seemed as though anytime I would revisit the doctors I would hear more bad news. Yet I continued to pray for God to have mercy on me and bring me healing, if it was His will. Slowly but surely, things started to improve… God’s grace began to change my situation. My health bettered, I returned to University and YES completed my degree. My hair grew back and my skin bore no testimony of what had happened to me. My health improved significantly and things generally got much better. What a God I serve!
See, in hindsight, I now realise that God had been good to me. Others had died from this condition, yet the grace of God had preserved me through it all, not because I was special, but for my own good and too His glory. Now, I understand that this is a life long condition and I continue to take medication. However, God has used to it to strengthen my faith and change my perspective on life. I now believe that although “my flesh and my heart may fail, God remains the strength of my heart. He is my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
Daughter, I share this with you to encourage you… I want you know that despite what life throws at you, God is still faithful. He will never give you more than you can bare. So any time you are faced with suffering in this life please cling on to these Scriptures…
1 Peter 1: 6-9 | 1 Peter 5: 10 | 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18
…and above all else, cling to God!
May the grace of God , his love and peace always be with you…
Love always,
Mummy