“My confidence comes from how I look” she said. “When I get up in the morning, if I look good then I have a great day and if I look bad then I have an awful day”.
“My confidence comes from how other people view me” she said. “If someone comments that my hair looks good, or that they like my dress then I have a great day, but if no one comments on how I look then I have a bad day”.
“My confidence comes from my shopping trips” she said. “If I buy some jeans in a smaller size then I have a great day, but if I’m a bigger size in a different shop then I have an awful day”.
How many of us can relate to the statements above? We may not say these things out loud, but yes many of us feel like this on the inside?
Living in the year 2012 can be really hard. All day, every day, we are bombarded with advertising campaigns, marketing ploys and subliminal messaging telling us how we should look, despite the fact that we are all uniquely different to each other. These images and stereotypes follow us everywhere we go – on public transport, in shop windows, on the side of the roads, in magazines, on the televisions, at the cinema, in restaurants, on the internet…the list could go on and on. From the moment we get up until the moment we go to bed we are fed lies about the way that we should look.
Having struggled with self image and confidence for many years, I can honestly say that I understand the pressure of feeling like I should look a different way to how I do – I should be taller, prettier and thinner with a more pronounced jaw and bigger eyes… But I’ve learnt that the ‘perfect’ image that I was being sold didn’t truly exist. The truth is that you don’t need to look a certain way. You are you; you are not your mother, your friend or your next door neighbour. You are not an airbrushed model in a magazine or an enhanced image on the internet; you are you.
So how do you go from self loathing to self acceptance and self love? The secret is this – it’s all about identity. I struggled with self-image and confidence for around 8 years. I hated everything about myself – my looks, my size, my personality – you name it, I hated it. I felt like I had no talents, that I was rubbish at everything I put my hand to and that I would never achieve anything significant. I felt worthless and unloveable. I didn’t know why my friends bothered with me and the slightest negative comment would ruin my day, if not my week.
For me, like many others, this self hatred evolved into damaging behaviour that controlled me for many years. My recovery from these thoughts, feelings and actions came little by little. I didn’t simply wake up one morning accepting and loving myself. It was often two steps forward and one step back. It took discipline, patience and lots of determination. I can only describe it as retraining my mind. I had to replace the negative contents with things that were healthy, positive and true. I learnt how to love myself and allow myself to be loved by others. I had to stop comparing myself to others and learn to see myself the way that God sees me.
There’s nothing wrong in wanting to look good and have nice things. It’s great to take pride in looking after ourselves. But we’ve got to remember that no amount of shopping, gym visits, hair appointments, diets or relationships will ever truly fulfil us. That hole you feel deep down inside you, that void, that ‘something’ that is missing can’t truly be filled with anything else but a relationship with Jesus. Other things may make you happy temporarily, yes, but they won’t bring you peace deep inside your soul. God knows you intricately and you are made in His image. It states in Psalm 139 that He knitted you together in your mother’s womb and that you were fearfully wonderfully made.
Jesus CAN replace your insecurities about the way you see yourself and He can build your confidence. You don’t need to fight the media in your head anymore. It’s about your identity in Him and it will complete you in ways that shopping, hair products and make-up never will.
Have a listen to the words in this track, I Am Amazing by Phillipa Hanna… Be blessed…
Written by Jess Wilson
TweetMe @msjesswilson