Well its been a while people, hope you’ve missed me and my pearls of wisdom and a VERY belated happy 2013 as this is my first post of the year. They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder and so in this case I’ve missed you all too. Joking aside its nice to have time apart from the one or one’s that you love its not only a welcome break but its healthy. The selling point of TV show Big Brother is how different people with their personalities are going to cope with being cooped up with each other in the same house for 3 months with zero space apart.
Even more entertaining than the regular brand Big Brother is the Celebrity version which just ended here in the UK last month. The stand out contestants this series beside X-Factor novelty act Rylan and runners up were the couple that we loved to hate Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag AKA SPEIDI. These Reality TV veterans from the US show The Hills are a husband and wife team of pantomime villains who besides being hated by the rest of the housemates were known to be constantly joined to the hip like congealed twins. Where one went the other was beside them and their constant display of oneness was seen as unnerving to most people in the house and the public.
Speidi would say that they are a loving couple who were just displaying a deep bond and appreciation of each other, whats wrong with that?. The question is can you be too close to your other half? does even calling your partner your other half suggest that you are incomplete without them? Maybe SPEIDI are too extreme of a couple for any of us to relate to but is there any such thing as ‘too close’ in a relationship and do you need your own space from time to time. It does differ sometimes across the genders but the principle across the board is this; love GOD, love YOU love THEM in that order. Huh? So what does that have to do with how much space you should or shouldn’t have ? Read on for my favourite 5 principles…
1. TREASURE YOU TIME
Always remember that you are one of a kind and just because you are part of a couple now don’t think that you were incomplete before or that your value was low. You are a unique creation all by yourself full of promise and potential; that can happen in a relationship is the potential to lose yourself in the other person. Most abuse happens in a relationship when one person looks to the other for validation of worth and submits to their every whim. If you don’t take time to love you then you can’t be a healthy partner to anybody else.
2. TREASURE HE/SHE TIME
Again, your honey-pie wont be much good to YOU if they cant be THEM and sometimes it takes having time out in order to rediscover oneself. If they are constantly attached to your hip (or your face) then how can they concentrate on being the best person they can be? They have a mark to leave on this world too and they need the space to fulfil their calling. Don’t take it as rejection if they need time to study, hang with friends, family or just to be alone, you’ll need them to return the favour one day.
3. CONNECT
(do not forsake the gathering of the brethren)
Have you ever been so lost in love that your friends are calling you out and your too far away to hear them? Well it may feel good at the time but its never a good thing to neglect your friends and family just cause you’ve found ‘the one’. Remember those people who were there before (and after in the worse case scenario) as believers we are to live as a community not an exclusive duo.
4. PROTECT US
(“A Threefold chord is not easily broken” Ecc4v9-12)
Overfamiliarity can cause an implosion in a relationship, you end up overstepping boundaries and have too much of a good thing. The ‘goal’ of a marriage or courtship is not just being together as there will be times when you wont want to be, but to reach your goals ‘together’ with GOD as a partnership realising each others dreams. When you are too intense in loveland you can lose sight of the bigger picture of why you guy’s got together in the first place..
5. REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE
(“love the Lord your GOD with all your heart and mind” Matt 22.37)
This one should be self explanatory; GOD for a believer in Christ should come numero uno without exception and there will be times even in marriage when he will require alone time with you to make sacred space in your life. One of the reasons I would not recommend marrying an unbeliever is that this basic understanding of the priority of GOD in the marriage will highly likely be missing. Never put a lover before the Almighty as that lover is temporal but your relationship with GOD is eternal…
Hope I have given some sound advice and not put anyone in the dog house (forgive me brothas) but consider these truths and you should be on the road to marital or relational bliss…
Written By Antony Aris-Osula