To ‘give up’ is a term I refuse to use. I never say it, never surrender to its power. I try not to even think thoughts of defeat. Though I avoided submitting myself to saying ‘I give up’ or ‘I can’t do it’.
Last week I was flung into a battle I couldn’t handle alone. ‘I can’t do it anymore God,’ my soul cried out as I fell to my knees one evening after work. I had no strength to persevere through the storm: I was buried beneath work I couldn’t finish (or even start), was beyond exhausted, and felt utterly imprisoned by a war of thoughts.
Deeply confused and fearful, I found myself searching for a reason to get out of bed each morning. Peter 1:13-16 says “You call out to God and He helps”. An empty place filled with frustration and doubt, I knew my only source to overcome this was to throw my weakness into the vast greatness of God.
The thing is, I read my bible every morning. I declared scripture over my circumstances on my walk to work. How could this attack being having such a stronghold on my life when I’m so consumed with the power of the Word? After surrendering my weaknesses to the Lord, I analysed my situation. I was utterly consumed by the motivation to succeed. I forced myself to overwork just to see results that would make me feel good; feel like a ‘somebody’.
I had lost focus on what mattered most: Jesus. Yes he was there and opened amazing doors, but he wasn’t my goal. My goal was to tick ambitions off on a list. And although I had many already ticked off, I was left feeling more insubstantial and lonely than ever before. I compared myself to others. “Look how successful she is at 21- I want to be like that,” I worryingly thought. I was suffocating myself with what everyone else was doing (or wasn’t doing).
’Ask and it will be given to you,’ says the Lord. Sometimes for God to meet us where we are we need to call out to him from our place of isolation. There’s something powerful about falling to our knees and offering ourselves to God. That dark night when I had no strength but to fall to the floor, God broke in. He saw my wounds; wiped my falling tears and breathed a stronger, more powerful strength into my soul.
I needed to stop focusing on what others has achieved and turn my gaze to the most high creator. He has created us to be different and unique in every way. With a promise of plans to prosper us and not to harm us, why do we waste away precious hours consumed with what others are doing? I knew it was unhealthy, and I knew I needed to stop. Now with a new God-given vision, I won’t quit my dreams despite their hardship, but I also won’t ever lose sight of the cross.
By Lisa Walden