Control is something we all wish we had more of. Whether it’s control over our pay cheques, our health, or our lifespan, most of us would prefer if things went exactly the way we want—according to our plans. The reality is, however, that most things in life are ultimately out of your control. And, although at first glance that sounds like a terrible thing, it actually ends up working in your favour.
The past 7 years of my life has been dedicated to one sole purpose—to become a physician. I studied hard to get a 90% average in my final year of high school to apply to University. Although I didn’t get into my top program of choice, I was determined not to let that stop me. Yes, even 90% didn’t cut it. So, I studied Science for four grueling years, graduated, worked in clinical research, wrote the MCAT (twice), applied to medical school (twice), and got rejected (twice). The minute I pressed ‘Submit’ on the medical school application forms, my ‘fate’ was in the hands of the admissions committee. And there I was, left to twiddle my thumbs for a few months until I heard the news of what the course of my professional life was going to look like. They say that waiting is the hardest part; you have absolutely no control over the situation at hand. And if you are a Type-A personality, such as myself, that can drive you practically insane. I hated the fact that at the end of the day, no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t control whether or not I was accepted into medical school.
Growing up, I consistently found myself, sometimes against my will, in a leadership position. Overtime, I developed a misconstrued notion of what leadership looked like. Eventually, I felt I needed to be in control of every aspect of my life. This often led to great strife in my friendships, where my friends perhaps felt as though I didn’t care about their feelings or opinions. Inevitably, the same issues arose in my relationship with my boyfriend. I was taught in church that a man is supposed to be the leader in the relationship, and ultimately in the family, but I could never find it within me to completely let go of the control, and simply let him lead me. I became bitter towards him, because I knew what our relationship was supposed to look like, and blamed him for apparently not being a leader, when really, it was my own pride that was getting in the way.
Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) instructs us to ‘commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed’. This verse is one of many that reminds us not to cling to our plans, dreams, and agendas, but to release them to God. As someone who has struggled with control for much of my adult life, this verse offers both a challenge and hope. The challenge lies in releasing my plans into God’s hands, and trusting that He knows what’s best for me according to the plans that He has for me (Jer. 29:11). But, therein also lies the hope in which we can rest.
As young people, so many aspects of our lives are up in the air. Who you’ll marry, what your career will be, where you’ll live…all floating around in the abyss, sometimes like a looming, overwhelming cloud of anxiety over our heads. In surrendering your dreams to God, you are actively inviting God to be a part of the journey of your life. For some, this release can be a major, one-time event, but for most, it’s a daily thing, usually numerous times a day in the little things—saying a quick prayer before an exam, committing your day to God in the morning, talking to God about your dreams while walking your dog. Jesus died so that we would be intimately acquainted with God, and trusting the LORD to be in control of your life even in the little things helps not only to ease the burden off your own shoulders, but draws you into a deeper relationship with Him.
In dropping our pride, surrendering control, and releasing our dreams and plans to God, in all things He works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). It turns out that medical school was just not in God’s plan for my life. Now more than ever, I find my heart going in a whole other direction than I ever thought possible, as far away from medicine as possible, and I’m loving every minute of it. I’m glad He’s in control, and not me.
Written by Octavia Ahsan
Tweet Her: @OctaviaFaith or @ThePODIUMTweets