Let’s face it, when it comes to love, most of us haven’t a clue what to do. Gentlemen, you might be wondering why even though she’s says, “I’m fine”, you’re still being hit with the silent treatment or cold shoulder. Ladies, what about when you ask, “what are you thinking?”, and his answer is always, “nothing”. So much can be lost in translation when it comes to love, but one thing is for certain, we all have a love language – we were designed that way by God. A love language is any manner in which you feel and express love.
Dr. Gary Chapman, a prominent Pastor and marriage counselor, developed and wrote The 5 Love Languages, a book designed to help us discover exactly what our love language(s) are. According to him, everyone has a primary method by which they feel loved. In fact, you can even take a quiz on www.5lovelanguages.com, answering several questions about your preferences and experiences, and your results will personally rank the love languages according to your answers. Keep in mind, that although most people equate the 5 love languages with romantic relationships, these are also entirely applicable for familial relationships and friendships.
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, but for many, actually hearing the words “I love you” or “You’re beautiful” is also very important, and should be accompanied by actions that show love. Generally, for girls, affirmation of beauty and appreciation is key to feeling loved and cherished. For men, this can usually be words of encouragement, letting him know that he is smart, talented, or strong. Be genuine and kind with your words. The Bible says, “the power of life and death is in the tongue” (Prov. 18:21)—speak life over your loved ones.
2. QUALITY TIME
What’s the point of even being in a relationship if you never spend any time together. Depending on the individual, this could look like simply working together at a coffee shop, going for a stroll in the park, or watching a movie on the couch. Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it’s a calm and quiet activity, or something more active and adventurous, or both! The person for whom quality time is their primary love language, usually doesn’t care what you’re doing, as long as you are together and they have your undivided attention.
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
Who doesn’t like receiving gifts? Gifts are awesome! But let’s face it, getting something on your birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day is pretty predictable. People for whom receiving gifts is their primary love language often feel appreciated and loved by someone when they receive something from them, especially when it’s not associated with a holiday. It just shows that you take an extra effort when you are with them, making them feel special and cherished. The thought that you were thinking about them means a lot. Don’t get it twisted though, giving gifts doesn’t mean you have to break the bank. Even little homemade sentiments or love notes count.
4. ACTS OF SERVICE
Depending on the nature of your relationship, this can either be a small or huge aspect of expressing and feeling love. Helping lighten the load of your significant other shows them you care about them and want to make their life a little bit easier, and most importantly, when you get married, to work as a team. So, if this is your sweetheart’s love language, be sure to help carry her books, and sweep the floor every now and then.
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
This one seems like a pretty obvious love language. And before you’re mind gets X-rated, think about what life would be like if you had never been hugged, or gotten a pat on the back from your Dad, or a kiss on the forehead from your Mom. Life would seem pretty bleak.
The truth of the matter is that as children, physical touch and affection is integral to normal emotional and mental development. Deficiencies in this area can lead to many disorders that can be disastrous to a romantic relationship later in life. Love through physical affection can be something as simple as holding hands or a hug- it doesn’t have to be sexual. Physical affection helps us feel cherished, safe, important, and comforted. And, when you get married, you can kick it up a notch and express your love through sex – the epitome of physical manifestation of love.
It’s important that you understand yourself in every aspect. Pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, and individual counseling is most often introspective, asking you how you feel about things, identifying who you are, or what you like. Knowing all this not only benefits you, as you begin to truly understand yourself, but also benefits your relationships, so that others can best understand you. Encourage your family and friends to discover their love language, and begin to express love to them in that way. As we all give of ourselves to each other, we’ll learn the true essence of love – sacrifice. And, love isn’t this complicated mystery as the world makes it out to be, but a simple expression of who God is, and how we are to be with one another.
Written by Octavia Ahsan
Tweet Her: @OctaviaFaith or @ThePODIUMTweets