Cultural expectations can be confusing, at best. Where once the stay-at-home mom juggling between all domestic affairs was praised as the pillar of society, such women are now being denigrated as representing an archaic image of suppressed womanhood. The ‘independent woman’ now serves as the choice depiction of what a real woman should look like – a woman with a high-earning, high-authority career, beauty, and many friends. Top it all off with a husband and a family – our new standard is a women that has it all.
Some have argued that the rise of the feminist movement and greater presence of women in the workplace, with less attention being paid to family and domestic affairs, has lead to the decline of traditional structure of society – but what if the independent, working woman, is directly in line with God’s plan for women, men, families, and society at large?
First and foremost, it’s important to remember that no one can ever be truly independent. God made us with a deep-seated desire to belong – to desire a meaningful connection with people around us and to be intricately involved with a community. We see this evident even in the life of Jesus – though he took time to be alone and pray, he spent majority of his time travelling with his twelve disciples and pouring into their lives. We all need community, and inter-dependence is built into our DNA, whether we like it or not.
A quick glance over human history will reveal thousands of years of inferiority subjected on women. There was a time when not only were women not allowed to vote, but even their mere presence was not accounted for. The story of Jesus feeding five thousand is actually Jesus feeding several tens of thousands, since the original headcount only included men, not women and children. The freedoms enjoyed by Western women today are unfathomable for women in ages gone by, or even still by those in developing countries. But, it’s imperative that we don’t let these very freedoms isolate us from God’s plan for our lives as women.
The woman outlined in Proverbs 31 is strong, smart, and capable of not only taking care of herself, but also making sure her entire household is taken care of. Not only does she dress and look good, she is thriving in the marketplace, exercising the gift of leadership as given to her by God. This sounds a lot like the modern women. Amidst all of that, we see that this woman is invested in the life of her husband and her family. She’s involved in their wellbeing, and plays an active role in caring for the heart of her husband.
Proverbs 31 vs 16: She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
Independence should never be a crutch for isolation. Use your intelligence, your ability to work and earn a great income, and your ambition and drive to serve those around you. If you are dating and looking towards marriage, look for areas in your relationship where your partner could benefit from your personal strengths. You’d be surprised how much your boyfriend will respect you more as he sees you thriving in your career, pushing towards excellence, and striving towards God’s calling for your life – it’ll lift him to higher places in his own life. If you are with someone that doesn’t appreciate or encourage you in this respect, perhaps take another look at Proverbs 31 and re-evaluate the relationship.
When you get married, only then does the Bible say that you are to submit to your husband. Not when you are just dating – once the man has made a commitment before God to love you as Christ loved the church. Remember, the Bible says to your “own husband”; you don’t have to submit to just any man. That being said, it’s important to remember to have an understanding and welcoming heart and attitude when it comes to your dating partner, so that he can see values in you that would indicate that you will submit to him as his wife, rather than create strife and conflict at every decision that will need to be made in your marriage.
Being an independent woman in today’s age can be a difficult task – you have to strike it right in the middle of a very delicate balance between isolation and pride, and community and vibrant relationships. Grow and develop into the strong, wonderful person that God created you to be, but remember that those very gifts and abilities He’s planted in you are for the good of all those around you – so as you learn to take care of yourself, God will grant you the grace and joy of being able to take care of others, so that your independence can be a blessing within the context of the inter-dependence of your relationships and community.
By Octavia Ahsan
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