Singleness gets some bad press. How often do people speak the words ‘single’ and ‘fantastic’ in the same breath? So do you truly believe that singleness brings joys and benefits our way or do you see it as a life sentence?
It can often feel that society is doing everything it can to disempower singleness and the joys it can bring. The mass-commercialisation of Valentine’s Day, the continual release of Rom Com movies and the ‘His & Her’ products that spring up left, right and centre can often leave us feeling inadequate, lonely and as if we’re failing simply by not being in a relationship. As the saying goes “Life is what you make it”, and having been both single and in relationships, I think it’s fair to say that this can be applied in both cases.
In the Bible, John didn’t write “I came that couples may have life, and have it abundantly”. No, abundant life is for all – it knows no marital status. In promising us abundant life, Jesus is offering us, each and every one of us, a life better than we could ever imagine. I believe in marriage but I also believe that people are just as complete when single as when married. You will never be 0.5 of a person – you are completely whole. In your singleness you are complete and if you were to marry and join with another person you would become one as a unit. Either way you are whole, and ticking a certain box on a census or application form will never change that.
The grass is never greener on the other side. Many single people crave the commitment, co-dependency and security of marriage whilst people in relationships often wish that they had more freedom, independence and spontaneity. Singleness is not a time to squander and wish away, it’s an exciting time of exploration, discovery and freedom. A time to seek, find and thrive.
One of the most important relationships that you will have is with yourself. And singleness gives us the opportunity to pursue that relationship. We need to learn to love and accept ourselves and it is vital that we invest in ourselves – our interests, our passions and our dreams. The only relationship that defines us is our relationship with God. The mindsets that we take in to relationships will inevitably have a profound effect on ourselves as well as others and going in to a relationship unsure of our own needs, desires and dreams will only bring hindrance, not help.
Paul spoke a lot about this topic, singling out having freedom from worry and undisrupted devotion to God as two of singleness’ many blessings. In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, he talks about singleness and how our roles as singles are set apart from the roles of married couples. Those of us who are single have a vital role to play – we are called right now to advance God’s kingdom. As singles we have the much needed time and energy to pour in to His work – we are key. Without a wife or husband to please, care for and give our attention to, we can have our eyes fixed on God and working for His kingdom. We have none else to please other than God – what a privileged position to be in. Paul saw a life of singleness as a valiant and beautiful thing and yet somewhere along the line this truth has been lost.
When the whole world seems to be screaming that marriage is the only goal that everyone should be running after, there is great personal strength in waiting to find someone who’s genuinely right for you, and not giving in to the idea that marriage is the solution to all of life’s problems. Being single has so many blessings to offer. It may not last forever so learn to love your singleness.
Written by Jess Wilson
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