Transitioning from the ‘friend zone’ into dating, although exciting, can sometimes prove to be difficult and slightly awkward. This is especially true for those venturing into a relationship for the first time–and no, holding hands in the schoolyard during recess doesn’t count as having ‘dated’. I’m talking about two, mature (being over 18 doesn’t guarantee maturity) individuals deciding that they’d like to take the next step in their relationship and friendship.
The key word here, and the thing that should drive your relationship from the get-go, is FRIENDSHIP. When my boyfriend and I first got to know each other, it was strictly platonic. We went from being simple acquaintances, to friends, to best friends, to boyfriend and girlfriend. By the time we even went on our first date, we already felt so connected, and it didn’t feel awkward or forced in the least. Four years later, after many awesome, and some trying times, we are still the best of friends. Friendship is what will sustain your relationship even after you’ve begun dating each other, and also, from what I understand, long after you’ve said ‘I do’.
Now, don’t think I’ve forgotten about all you fine folks that met on EHarmony.com. Granted, I’m sure you weren’t all chummy before you decided to go on a date–‘Looking for a relationship’ is usually implied the second you create your profile, I’m sure. I believe it is possible to build a friendship and a strong, lasting relationship with someone whom you felt an instant romantic ‘chemistry’.
So, regardless of how you two got to now each other, the question remains, how does one transition from friends, or acquaintances, into boyfriend and girlfriend? Although I don’t necessarily believe their is one clear-cut path that every couple is bound by, I do think there are several questions that need to be addressed when deciding to take that next step; making sure that both people are on the same page on critical relational issues.
Since you both like each other already, I am going to assume that you find each other physically attractive, so that is not an issue here. However, let’s face it, we’re human, and with physical attraction comes the inevitable, often palpable sexual tension that seems to be constantly looming over your heads–especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. Any couple will tell you when they first started dating, it was hard to keep their hands off each other. This is only natural, so I would recommend that as a couple, you discuss your physical boundaries (try your best!!), and ensure that there is a mutual understanding and respect in place in regards to this very sensitive aspect of a relationship.
I also think it is wise to talk about your expectations before entering into a dating relationship. If you want this to lead to marriage, but your partner has no desire to get married in the future, that could be a tad bit of a problem. Again, make sure you are on the same page. In fact, discuss where you see yourself in the future in terms of your career, family life, finances, and everything in between. Although all of this may seem too heavy right before dating, it’s stuff that is going to come up at some point. It’s better to see where you both are in regards to life in general before you decide to enter into a relationship.
Let’s face it, we become vulnerable to the person we date. As you build your relationship, you become more and more emotionally attached, and if it doesn’t work out, the results of a broken relationship can be devastating. The Bible talks about guarding your heart, and not to awaken love until its time. The bottom line is make sure the person you are going to date shares similar values and convictions as you, and slowly begin to give them your heart and share your life with them. Take the time to set the foundation, and don’t rush it.
Written by Octavia Ahsan
@OctaviaFaith