Several years ago, an old, dishevelled looking man staggered in through the doors of my workplace. He was drunk and from what I could ascertain from his, at times, incoherent ramblings – he had been homeless for a number of years. In his pocket he carried a laminated newspaper article that gave a blow-by-blow account of a crime that he had committed that had ultimately caused him to lose everything that he loved and possessed.
The image of this broken man has stayed with me and highlights that although not everyone physically carries laminated paper with their past shame written in black and white – many people still hold on to their past wrongs and regret like an invisible ball and chain. What is more, in the case of the old man I had encountered, I had been talking to him for less than five minutes before he brought out the shiny, durable paper – as though it was integral to his very identity. Although he had already paid for his crime, he kept the encased document as a constant reminder of his failure. It is clear then that if happiness is a choice that we make, so too is forgiveness – it is an act of the will. Publius Syrus once remarked that ‘he who cannot forgive himself’ is an ‘unhappy’ man. We were certainly made to be more than bearers of shame.
In addition, forgiveness should be practised continually in light of the ultimate Forgiver. For whether you are struggling to forgive someone else or yourself – it is not your ability to forgive that needs your attention so much, but God’s ability to forgive you. Tim Keller says this:
God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve deliberately oppressed or even murdered people, or how much you’ve abused yourself… There is no evil that the Father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace.
So for those who find it hard to forgive themselves, remember that if you have put your faith in Christ and believe that His death and resurrection have purchased your right-standing and forgiveness in God – you are set free from whatever weight or sin that plagues your heart and mind. He has removed it as far away from you as you could possibly imagine. So trust, rest and be thankful in the truth that God is a God who forgives, forgets and restores. You don’t need to hold onto a laminated sheet of anguish, because He doesn’t.
Moreover, we are called to forgive each other as God (in Christ) has forgiven us. When we hold onto unforgiveness, it is as though someone has pinched us and we are offended, yet we spend our lives punching other people on a regular basis. It doesn’t make sense. Look at it in plain terms: the weight of your wrongdoing in God’s sight is so much greater than anything anyone has ever or will ever inflict on you. And other people do really horrible things.
When you excuse the fault or offense of someone else, the very act often feels like swallowing glass and you are letting the other person go free without seeing justice. Still, this ultimately is not your worry – leave justice in the capable hands of God. Forgiving others isn’t for the benefit of the person who hurt you, beloved, it sets you free.
Written by Kazstarlet
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