Relationships are unavoidable for humans. Some are a blessing, some are a curse. The ability to distinguish between the two is crucial. One thing most easily and quickly lost in relationships is perspective. The further in you go, the deeper you feel and invest, often the hardest it is to recognise the benefit or detriment of a relationship. Bad relationships can cause almost infinite damage but the best relationships can build you up, encourage and inspire you. Here are 5 warning signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship:
1. It becomes your dominant or primary focus
When one person becomes your everything you are in danger of giving them the place of God in your life. You can’t be anyone’s saviour and you can’t expect anyone to be yours. Jesus is irreplaceable in that respect.
2. It involves too much compromise
All relationships sometimes inevitably involve compromise and that’s not a bad thing. You are never going to agree 100% with anyone but there is such a thing as too much compromise. You must be aware of where the line is for you. If you’re being asked to compromise too much or too often ask yourself- what are their motives? Do they want the best for me? Is their position based on correct assumptions? Does what they’re asking me to compromise/give up have sound biblical basis? Do other people that I value and trust agree?
3. It doesn’t build you
God designed Eve because Adam needed a suitable helper- Genesis 2:18: The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” This could be interpreted in several different ways but when God made sure the word suitable made the cut I’m pretty sure he intended Adam and Eve’s relationship to be good. Something that blessed them both, encouraged them and one where they helped each other. God wants good things for us- He does not want us to be in unfulfilling relationships. He also mentions in the New Testament that it’s not good for man to be alone.
4. It’s unequal
Most Christians will have heard the verse about being equally yoked time and time again but I believe it has relevance and meaning beyond the obvious, beyond what it’s traditionally been attached to. This is about being compatible and good for each other. Are you spiritually and intellectually compatible and equal? I’m not endorsing finding someone who is about as similar as you could get in all aspects but you need to be on the same page about the big stuff or at least be willing to work it through and come to a mutual agreement- how to parent, how to spend money and steward your finances, where to build your life etc. These all seem like massive issues that don’t need talking about until months down the line but they are worth considering early on, believe me.
5. It doesn’t have God at the centre
Again this may seem like a typical Christian answer but I honestly believe that if you are pursuing intimacy and investing your heart into something, anything FYI but especially a relationship, and it doesn’t have God in it at its core it will always feel slightly unnatural, disjointed and like there’s something missing. Without God there is something missing. He formed you in your mother’s womb, gave you life, knows the number of hairs on your head and orders your steps trying to go it alone in a relationship without him says that you don’t need him. It is the opposite of walking in faith and keeps you in a place of pride.
Please, please understand I write none of the above out of condemnation but out of knowing the damage that an unhealthy relationship can cause. It can create ripples of hurt and pain for years to come. Plus the best, most fulfilling relationships that genuinely bring you joy don’t have the warning signs I’ve mentioned above. You may not get it right first time and you may need to take steps to rid certain elements from your current relationships but it’ll so be worth it. I promise.
By Sara Bennett
TweetMe @Sarallam
Check out her personal blog HERE