Ok, so somewhere down the line I have been appointed the love guru and marriage counsellor of the Milk and Honey team, don’t know how that happened but look out Steve Harvey I’m coming for you and your book deal (lol). No seriously, I’m no expert but I know someone who is, and the good Lord wrote the bestseller full of wisdom to help every situation, but especially relationships. I am coming up to my 8th wedding anniversary which is great, but my wife’s grandparents just had their 60th (yeah I know….WOW!) so they could teach us ALL a whole lot on this issue. In their absence I will give you my countdown based on a blend of personal life lessons and biblical principles to make sure your marriage stays fresh and not rotten…
1. COMMUNICATE
“He who answers before listening-that is his folly and his shame” Proverbs 18:13
We need to speak the same language to understand each other OR get fluent in the language of the other to make sense of what they are saying. Men and women talk differently but even you and your spouse have your own way of speaking that is unique to yourselves. Mastering the art of communication between you will create massive pay offs down the line as you will even be able to know what the other is thinking some days. Once you understand each other you can enjoy the art of connection instead of spending nights and days confused as you get that look again that reads ‘are you stupid?’
2. EDUCATE
“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance” Proverbs 1: 5
We live in an information age where we have access to all the knowledge in the world at a click of a button or to be specific a Google search. Yet we think that we have invented the concept of relationship with our partners as if no one has gone through the things that we have or ever hit a wall like us. The truth is we all have a lot to learn and we would be wise to educate ourselves in the ways of marriage and not wing it or make it up as we go along. If our spouse is a gift from God to us then we need to seek out an instruction manual on how to best treat this gift and make it our project to learn as much as possible about this person and the basics of marriage on a life long journey.
3. PROTECT AND INVEST
“whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap” Galatians 6: 7-8
Consider your marriage the best investment you have made and do everything in your power to protect it. Fight for it, build it, nurture it and do NOT let anybody trespass on the land that is your union. Treat all threats to the unity of your marriage as THE ENEMY, as God will never seek to destroy a marriage as its His institution. A marriage is supposed to get better with time like a fine wine; too many people bail prematurely without realising that it is supposed to grow and bloom like a garden.
4. FORGIVE
“Love…keeps no record of wrongs” 1 Corinthians 13:5
We will not always get along as husband and wife. Its out there, thats the truth. Sometimes you cant stand each other. The important thing to realise is that marriage is not the same as ‘romance‘. Romantic feelings come and go but commitment is for grown ups. If you have promised your life to that man/woman, then you better forgive them when they have wronged you otherwise a lifetime is a long time to hold a grudge. We all make mistakes so we shouldn’t expect more from our spouse then we would ourselves and the sooner you realise that they are as human as you and not the idol they may have been in your life beforehand then all will be good in the end.
5. AGAPE
“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” 1 John 4: 8
Like the last point, a marriage as a life time commitment can only survive with this major ingredient; unconditional love. You see that guy will not always have a chiselled body and that sista’s hair what you loved will go through several different cycles plus you will both grow old and wrinkly some day. The external things you loved about each other will definitely change but even the person inside you married will change as they go through different seasons of their life and taste various experiences. The question is will you still love that person when they grow a one pack, lose their hair and face the challenges of life that may make them difficult and unpredictable? If we create an environment in our marriage that the other is accepted just the way they are – no performing required or conditions – then you will have created a garden of abundant fruit.
Love is the life force that causes things to grow, without it things decay and the fruit rots.
There’s a reason that gardening is for the mature, it takes patience, time and a lot of commitment to get right and to take the garden from an unstructured mess into a place of beauty. There are no shortcuts and you may get thistle’s in your fingers along the way but the seeds you planted in winter in spring will become beautiful flowers and delicious fruit but only if you stay the course. So stay the course, build together and see how beautiful GOD can make your future if you only choose to stay in the garden.
Written by Antony Aris-Osula
TweetMe: @coconutprince